You’re Going to Space

You’re Going to Space

Earth Archive File 1-005: Promotional recording of the Dellingr crew being notified of their admission to the Xenoa space program.

Voices: Kelsey Henry as Argus; Charlie Van Stee as Neil the Spokesperson; Charles Hubbell as Milton;  Andrew Santoro as David; Ro Cornell as Captain Calloway; Lee Fillingsness as Fyodor.

Cover art by Robert James Algeo.

Original music by Charlie Van Stee.

Illustrated Transcripts for every episode and in-between are available to all Patreon members.

And here is the plain text transcript:


You’re Going to Space

Music: science-y beat.

(All voices are filtered through a phone receiver except for Spokesperson.)

ARGUS: Hello?

SPOKESPERSON: Hello, this is Neil from the Xenoa Space Group calling.

MILTON: Hello? You’ve reached Dr. Milton Thrumbull.

SPOKESPERSON: It’s my honor to be the first to congratulate you on your admittance–

DAVID: Hello?

SPOKESPERSON: –On our team of astronauts.

CALLOWAY: Hey, this is the Calloway residence.

SPOKESPERSON: Congratulations.

FYODOR: Who’s this?

SPOKESPERSON: We want to send you to space.

ARGUS: YESSSS! Thank you! Thank you!

CALLOWAY: No way. Are you sure?

FYODOR: You’re kidding.

SPOKESPERSON: I’m serious. You’re going to space.

DAVID: Wow. I. I’m ready.

MILTON: Absolutely. I accept.

ARGUS: Oh my god. It’s happening! Neil!

SPOKESPERSON: If you choose to accept, I want to make sure you are fully aware what this means moving forward.

FYODOR: Oh god. Did I sign up for wrong program? Did I sign up for a space cannon experiment on accident?

MILTON: I was expecting this call. I’m fully aware. There are only so many experts in the field.

CALLOWAY: This means…everything. It means I’m leaving…but…

SPOKESPERSON: We want you on our flagship, the Dellingr. You have two weeks before the trip to Mars.

FYODOR: Two weeks.

MILTON: That’s not much time.

SPOKESPERSON: It should give enough time to get your affairs in order. Any farewells.

ARGUS: Okay. Yeah, yeah. I’ll figure it out.

CALLOWAY: I need to call my Dad.

FYODOR: That’s it, and then we’re basically faking our deaths. I’m not saying I can’t do it. Just.

SPOKESPERSON: The first six months are in the solar system, you’ll have ample time to still connect with your loved ones onboard.

MILTON: Ample? I have a one year old grandchild. And one that’s just turned three.

DAVID: Do I need to sign anything? What do I have to do ASAP?

ARGUS: Totally. That’ll make it easier on my mom and dad. We’ll start preparing right now.

CALLOWAY: I guess that…Yes. It won’t be a hard goodbye. Like a hard hard goodbye. Just a slow, hard goodbye. That’s good. I have a couple of sisters that live out of country. It would be hard for them to make it here to see me in two weeks. We talk constantly anyway…

FYODOR: Uggghhh. Look, I just moved in with someone. She seems to like me. The timing… eh. You can’t push it back a decade so I can marry, get divorced, witness murder, go into witness protection. Maybe, get stabbed. And then I get back to you when I really need to disappear?

SPOKESPERSON: We’re asking for the noblest sacrifice one can give for their planet.

DAVID: I get it. I signed up. There’s no real going back.

MILTON: My only concern is if that’s a good enough reason to my partner, my kids, my students, to leave them.

DAVID: I can live with this decision.

ARGUS: It’s an honor, really. Thank you. It’s a lot to wrap my head around right now. Oh my god.

FYODOR: I am pretty noble. I think that was highlighted on my resume.

CALLOWAY: There’s no alternative. I wouldn’t say no. My mom would say no for me, maybe even some of my friends–my younger brother would tell you no way–we’re really close…I need to tell my dad and everyone not to tell my mom before I break it to her.

SPOKESPERSON: With that being said, David, will you accept the role of mechanical engineer and maintenance lead?

DAVID: Yes. Yes.

SPOKESPERSON: Argus, will you accept the role of lead navigator?

ARGUS: Yes. Thank you, a million times, yes.

SPOKESPERSON: Milton, will you accept the role of overseer of mission research?

MILTON: It is my debt to all life and those still living. I accept.

SPOKESPERSON: Fyodor, will you accept the role of chief roboticist?

FYODOR: Yeah. Of course. I mean, of course.

SPOKESPERSON: Calloway, will you accept the role of crew captain?

CALLOWAY: Really? …I can do it. I accept.

SPOKESPERSON: Welcome aboard the Dellingr. We’re counting on you to save us from extinction.

Music fades out.