A Message from Home

A Message from Home

Priority Alert 5: “4davidonhis31.mp4.” Video message from Earth. 5 of 74. Received as batch at 3:33 AM. Priority alerts must be viewed before deletion.

Voices: Janet Fogg, Rusty Diamond.

Cover art by Robert James Algeo.

Illustrated Transcripts for every episode and in-between are available to all Patreon members.

And here is the plain text transcript:

A Message from Home

BLIP! Recording begins. Filtered atmosphere.


JO ANN: (mutters) –but you’ll have to tell me when to go.

CHRIS: (mutters) Alright.

JO ANN/CHRIS: Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear David, happy birthday to you.

JO ANN: And Edie, too!

Lighter flicks.

CHRIS: (mutters) I don’t know why I forgot…

Lighter set down on table.


JO ANN: (mutters) I got it.

A heavy plate slides on a wooden table.

JO ANN: (mutters) Is that…?

She adjusts the plate on the table.

JO ANN: (mutters) That good?

CHRIS: (mutters) Just…

The plate slides on the table.

CHRIS: (mutters) Alright.

JO ANN: (mutters) M’kay.

JO ANN: David! Look! I put the candles on the cake this time.

She blows out the candles. Candles are set on the table.

JO ANN: Yay! (Laughs) I found out Chris has been putting those cheat candles, you know, the kind that keep lighting all over again. So, that’s why I wasn’t, I mean I just couldn’t blow them out for you before.

CHRIS: I told you, Mom, you’re just getting old and your windpipes aren’t getting any younger.

JO ANN: Do you hear how he treats your poor, old mother, David? Oh! The candles keep sinking into the cake. Hold on…Look! There’s a 3 and a 1 for you, and there’s a 3…

The plate slides.

JO ANN: And another 3 for Edie. And her half of the cake has pink frosting! I knew you wouldn’t like pink cake, David.

CHRIS: Your half of the cake looks gray. Kinda gross.

JO ANN: No! I only had the pink frosting to start, and I added some yellow, but ooh, it still looked kinda pink, so I put in a tiny bit of blue and well, I stopped there because I thought, ‘Jo Ann, if you add another drop you’re going to make it look even more inedible than it already does.’

CHRIS: Should’ve just left it alone.

JO ANN: (Laughs) Noo. Oh! Before I forget, I have some presents for you, but you need to pick them up.

CHRIS: They’re piling up. Got a bunch of pink presents blocking her closet.

JO ANN: That’s right, I got Edie a couple things. Well, nothing too special, just some things I’ve picked up here and there that I thought she’d like. Like jewelry, or shoes, you know, stuff like that.

CHRIS: Get back to us this time and they’re all yours.

JO ANN: Anyways, doesn’t this cake look nice? Well, this half anyway. There’ll be plenty of leftovers if you stop over this weekend. (Laughs)…I miss you very much, my baby boy.

CHRIS: Miss ya, bro! Catch you later!

JO ANN: Goodbye! Wishing you all the best in the whole world!

A long pause.

JO ANN: (mutters) And stop.


CHRIS: (mutters) Why am I even doing this.

JO ANN: (mutters) Well, I don’t know why–

BLIP! Recording end.